Friday, November 5, 2010

One Month Bandiversary + Fiona got a Fill

Happy Friday Everyone!

I now have 45 followers!  WooHoo!!!!  Thanks for following.  I really appreciate it.

Yesterday was my one month bandiversary.  For those of you who were just banded within the last couple of weeks I can promise you this - it does get better.  My  incisions are healing well.  I no longer wake  up in the middle of the night with this odd feeling in my chest like I am going to strangle to death (just me??? OK).  I can sleep on my side and/or stomach if I want.  And I finally feel like I have energy again.

I also got my first fill this Wedneday.  My favorite PA in the whole world, Dawn, did it. The new PA in the office who is still training told me they call Dawn the "port whisperer".  I believe it!  I swear, I didn't feel a thing.  Even when she gave me the numbing solution she said, "little sting here" and I didn't feel it at all.  I am hoping I always get her.  Apparently, I already had 1CC in my band from surgery (she pulled it out to show me) and then she topped me off with 3 more for a total of 4CCs in my 10CC band.  I have to say, I am not feeling much different.  Of course, I was on liquids the day of the fill and the day after.  I am now on soft food today and tomorrow.  So, maybe when I am eating more solid food I will feel a difference.  Maybe not.  I've read some bloggers who have said that it took them 3 or 4 fills to feel and restriction.  I hope that won't be my case but you never know.  I have my next fill scheduled for Dec. 1 and then I will get another one probably the last week of December - if I am in town.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my attitude about food and dieting.  I've also been keeping up with everyone's blogs every day (yes really.  And, if you aren't on my follow list, please send me your blog link and I'll add you too) and many of you say that what you love about the band is that you are no longer "dieting".  The band just helps you live your life and eat in moderation.  And, even though some of you seem to be struggling right now (with Halloween candy temptations, poor food choices, etc.) everyone seems to have the attitude that they can and will get back on track.  And it finally occured to me the other day - I am no longer obsessing about food, about dieting, about how fat I am.  I am no longer telling myself what a failure I am every morning that I wake up for not having stayed "on plan" the day before, but that today will be different.  I swear, for the last 5 years almost every single morning I would wake up and the first thing I would think about was how I needed to lose weight and how I was going to do it.  I was obsessed and felt like a complete loser for not being able to stick with any plan for more than a few weeks.  Even when I did get on a roll and stick with something for more than a few weeks, my weight loss would stall and eventually I would give up only to go back to the negative self-talk all over again.

However, since the day I made my appt. for surgery I have not woken up once and thought those thoughts.  It is as if I found some peace.  I made a decision.  I have faith that if I follow my doctor's orders, the weight will come off eventually.  I am no longer obsessing.  I am learning to live with  my nifty new tool; how to eat in a "band appropriate" way; and I've decided that this is what will work for me. 

No huge plans for the weekend.  I have to go to a birthday party Saturday night for my sister-in-law's 6 year old boy.  Sunday I am getting my hair done and thinking about seeing MegaMind at the theater.  This will be my second or third movie since being banded and I am still getting used to seeing a movie without popcorn.  The nice thing is that I am not craving it too badly.  Maybe that is the band at work or maybe I have just psyched myself into thinking that.

Hope everyone has a terrific weekend.



Sandy Lee said...

It's like an awakening. So glad you are getting there. There are many ups and downs but that's life. The band will be your bestie friend, your enemy and you may want to rip it out somedays. But just like a marriage-for better or for worse, it all works out in the end. Isn't that just the best dream in the world?

amandakiska said...

I know what you mean about those old thoughts being the first thing you thought of upon waking. I also can relate to the peace that the band finally brought me. Life is just so much better now.

I hope this fill brings you good restriction!

Justawallflower said...

Since you are a couple weeks ahead of me I am super excited for you. It is nice to follow you and know that is about where I'll be in a couple weeks. So glad things are going so well for you!

Gen said...

I'm so happy for you Libby! It is the first time many of us can live our lives, in peace, without hating ourselves every single day. It is so amazing.

Dawn is the best! I did not know they got a new person - but they needed someone else, it was getting pretty tough to get an appointment. Dawn is totally the Fill Whisperer! Until I got overfilled by Dr. B, every one of my fills was pretty much perfect (thanks to Dawn).

In my experience, the second fill really does the trick. You should get +2 ccs at your next appt, bringing you up to 6. This is where I started to feel the sweet spot. But I do remember feeling a little better with 4 ccs.

So great to hear your shift in thinking. It is the best!

Christine said...

I know exactly what you mean. Since getting my band, I'm far more at peace with myself. it's not perfect. I have bad days, including bad eating days. But I don't hate myself for those days the way I used to. The inner peace, that's real. Embrace it. Appreciate it and love it!

Rachel said...

It is great that you have peace...I think this will truly help you be successful in this journey!

Brooke said...

I loved reading your blog, it's such a good reminder to recognize that the band really has been amazing. It's funny, I guess I just tend to live in the last day, week, month that I forget what life used to be like.

I'm down over 150 lbs and unlike some bandsters, I don't have great restriction even at 8.2 ccs. But who cares! Like you said, I don't obsess over food the way I used to and now when I do it actually has an end point, instead of that constant low level awareness and shame about everything I put in my mouth.

I had aggressive fills, too (more than 1 cc p/visit), will be interesting to see how you do as you move back to solids after this first big fill- good luck, you'll rock it!

Susan said...

Libby - I totally get what you are saying with this post - every since I decided to get banded I am actually hopeful about my weight situation which does impact the rest of our lives.