Meeting Dr. #1 & Talking to the Husband

So, yesterday I had my first consultation with a doctor - let's call him Dr. #1 - for my lap band surgery.  I had  attended a seminar last week at Dr. #2's office and have a consultation with him on Thursday this week.  It seemed prudent to check out a couple of different doctors to see who I clicked with, what their pre- and post-op procedures were, the pre-surgery diet, post-surgery fills, etc.  Dr. #1 was a very pleasant guy.  His daughter is his practice's psychologist and runs their monthly support group.  He was very knowledgeable and told me - in pretty graphic detail - how he performs the procedure (photos included); how he mitigates the risk for band slips; band erosion; etc.  I am sure that he would do a fine job.  However, I still want to meet with Dr. #2 before I make any decisions about who will do my surgery.

#1 did confirm for me that I am a qualified candidate and that he would do the surgery for me if I wanted him to.  I had been worried about that because my BMI is on the borderline of 35.  I do have sleep apnea and GERD so I was pretty sure I was a candidate, but not entirely.  Now that I am sure somebody will do my surgery, I decided to finally tell my husband I have been researching this and plan to go ahead with the procedure. You see, I expected a lot of resistance from my husband.  A lot of the "all you need is willpower", "this is the easy way out", etc. posturing.  Over the years, I have learned to pick my battles with him and not even start a contentious discussion until I have all my facts in order.  No sense in trying to convince him I plan to do something if I can't actually make it happen, right?  To my amazement, he took it very calmly.  He seemed receptive to the idea and had some questions but in the end he said it was my decision to make.  I was pleasantly surprised.  Perhaps he has actually recognized how difficult my struggle with my weight has been over the years.  He has seen me start, then stop, numerous diets since we have been together.

The first time I met my husband, I was at my second lowest weight in my adult life.  I was fit and trim and felt pretty good.  Shortly before we started dating, I quit smoking.  A year after we started dating, I turned 40.  So, in the space of 1 1/2 years, I quit smoking, fell in love and turned 40.  This was a recipe for weight gain if there ever was one!  Since we have been together, I have managed to regain the 30lbs I lost prior to meeting him, plus an additional 50lbs I've never had before.  At the rate I've been going I could qualify as a linebacker for a pro team in the next five years.  And, while he has never said anything derogatory about my weight, I catch him staring at me sometimes.  And I feel like I must be a huge disappointment.  I don't think I am the girl he thought he was signing up for.  I don't even have childbirth to blame for my weight gain.  I'm humiliated and ashamed.  That is why I plan to do something about it.  At least now I know he will support my decision which makes this journey so much easier.

I'll report my findings on Dr. #2 after I meet him Thursday.  I hope to make a decision about who I plan to go with no later than this weekend.  It's time to get the show on the road!

Dipping My Toe in the Water

I've never been very good at keeping a journal (much less an online blog) but I am looking for an outlet to help me stay honest and somewhere I can document my weight loss journey.  I have been inspired by numerous bloggers out there as they post their trials and tribulations pursuing a healthier life and lifestyle: Phoenix Revolution, Adventures of Gastric Girl and The Sweet Spot to name a few. You guys rock! and are - in large part - responsible for the birth of this blog.

I am currently in the process of getting approval for a gastric band and am hoping to be banded in October. Like many people, I have spent most of my adult life watching my weight go up and down - losing 30, gaining 40 and on and on (I'll touch more on my history in a later post).  After a significant amount of research I have decided that the lap band is a tool that can help me reach my goal and maintain my weight for the long term.  This blog will document my journey into bandhood.