Monday, December 13, 2010

Yep - I feel like a FRAUD!

So, I have been meaning to write this post for over a week now.  I have a confession to make.  I feel like such a fraud!  I am such a whoos (sp?) about telling anyone I had lapband surgery that I joined the new Weight Watchers at Work program to act as a cover for my weight loss.  That way (I figure) I don't have to explain myself to people when they start noticing my weight loss.  Is that just totally horrible?  I am not counting points - although the new point system does seem to reward healthier eating habits.  I am still working on following the basic tenents of banded eating:
  • Protien first, then veggies, then carbs (if there is room)
  • No liquids with meals and for 30 minutes after
  • 1 cup of food at each meal (that is still tough though getting better)
  • No snacking between meals (that is the really tough part!)
  • No drinking my calories (although I have been having a protien shake for breakfast most mornings as that is the easiest thing for me to do given my commute)
  • Eat slow, small bites, chew, chew, chew
  • etc.
I have only told a few people about my band - my husband, my mother and my best friend.  I wish I had the guts to be a huge advocate of the band and didn't mind telling everyone I had it, but I just started a new job.  I don't know these people.  I don't know how they would react.  Whether or not they will judge me or simply not understand.  I am envious of you guys out there that just don't care what anyone else thinks.  I know that one of my problems is that I let others perceptions of me effect me too much.  I was reading catherine55's blog the other day and she mentioned that she has a whole story cooked up to explain her surgical scars and port if she is not ready to divulge to someone that she has the band.  I am assuming that this is relatively common amongst us.  It is sad to me that WLS still carries such a stigma and that there are so many misunderstanding and/or judgements about it.  (It is almost as bad as the stigma attached to mental illness and depression.)  But I figure this is an intervention and tool I chose for myself after a lot of research and many years of yo-yo dieting.  But I also recognize this is a choice many people will not understand and may in fact ridicule.

So, yes, I have joined Weight Watchers for the 8th time (I think it is).  Only this time they are only my beard.  I hope that doesn't make me a horrible person.

Down only 2.3 lbs since my fill.  I am still trying to determine whether or not I need a bit of an unfill but I think I will stick it out til my next appt. Jan. 17th.  I think since I was pretty able to eat most anything and developed some bad post-surgery habits of still eating too fast and taking larger bites (cause I could) that my problem may not be being over-filled but more that I am just not eating correctly.  Really working on the thoughtful eating and trying to see if things work themselves out.

Glad to see everyone is getting into the holiday spirit (for the most part).  I am looking forward to my time off at the end of the year!